Monday, November 21, 2016

Out by Bob Fife with Ron Hughes

Fife was in the gay community for two decades and then came out. He tells his story here.

Fife had a troubled childhood. His mom had been tricked into marrying a man she did not love. He turned out to be a man who beat his wife and kids and seduced other women, leaving “a wake of insecurity as he roared through the lives of his children.” (26)

As a twelve year old, Fife was fondled by an older teen. Surprised but liking the feeling, he continued to experiment midst sexual confusion. He met a young woman at a Bible study and they eventually married. He continued to struggle with his feelings, finally seeking out a gay community. He lived a life obsessed with sex, losing his wife, son and job in the process.

Fife spends quite some time taking readers through his gay experiences. He connected with his son after nearly a decade. A decade after that Fife realized he needed to get out of the gay scene. He reconnected with God, got support from groups and individuals, and began changing his behavior. He explains how he reoriented his life from adoring sexual experience to worshiping God. He writes of the combination of being a “new creation” in Christ and the “putting off” of the old self.

I appreciate the insights and lessons Fife offers from his experience. I was particularly struck by his insight into parenting. In a conversation he had with his mother he voiced that he had not felt that his mother loved him. She had countered that of course she did and showed it by working hard to support the family. He said with insight that children do not understand that kind of evidence of love. They need hugs and cuddles. Another insight was regarding ministry to gays. The strategy needs to be getting the focus on Jesus and away from the sin.

Fife has looked back over his life and has seen how God can redeem all aspects of a person's life, even the very dark places. He feels his life is a testimony of God's unfailing love and grace. He does not expect this book to be a blueprint for others. He believes his life is merely an example of what can happen when God is invited in and lives are surrendered to Him.

I recommend this book to those who are interested in understanding the thoughts and desires of those drawn to the gay community. It is also good for those interested in helping community members desiring to leave. I did feel Fife spent too much time describing his life in the gay community. Other than that, it is a very useful book.

You can find out more about the book and the author at

My rating: 4/5 stars.

Bob Fife is an Ontario-based businessman and a former practicing homosexual. Today he devotes his time to mentoring men and women who are looking for alternative ways to deal with same-sex attraction.

Kregel Publications, 216 pages.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

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