We're
seldom ready when our parents need us to intervene in their care.
Brummett wants us to be prepared and has written this book to be a
companion in the process.
She
addresses many issues, some I expected, others I did not. She starts
by exploring the feelings we might have as we lose a parent as we
have always known them. She explains how to watch for telltale signs
and then the topics about which we will need to talk to our parents.
She includes a good section on how the brain ages, including dementia
and depression. She covers choosing living conditions and that tough
one, when it comes time for them to stop driving.
She
writes about the aging physical body, including medications, exercise
and nutrition. She helps us think about the quality of life for our
parents, such as whether they should continue to work and the making
of new friends. She shows how we can help our parents be life long
learners and take advantage of the digital age. She even writes about
romance, noting that dementia can break down social mores and cause
inappropriate behavior. She reminds us of the spiritual needs of our
parents, including Bible studies and worship services. (If there is
not a Bible study at the care facility our parent is in, Brummett
suggests we volunteer to teach one.) Another area is helping our
parents walk through grief. As they age, they lose their friends.
Coming beside them with comfort is an important part of elder care.
And then there is also the finances, power of attorney, etc. Finally,
he process of dying and decisions that need to be made.
There
are areas Brummett covered that I found especially meaningful.
Growing older is a spiritual journey as much as it is a physical or
emotional one. She suggested asking older people about their
spiritual life, such as circumstances that made them trust the Lord
more or maybe question His direction. The elderly are a wealth of
spiritual wisdom from which younger people, like grandchildren, can
draw.
A
difficult subject but a very important one is caring for an aging
parent within one's home. Brummett looks at the responsibilities, the
role of siblings and the stress it can place on a marriage. She also
looks at the very real situation of caregiver burnout.
One
suggestion Brummett makes is very important – leaving a legacy. She
has great ideas for tapping into the knowledge of aging parents. Her
ideas range from family history to faith. She reminds us how
important it is to preserve our parent's story.
In
our mobile society, aging parents are often a distance from their
children. Brummett helps us know how to assess and care from a
distance. She encourages the use of aides like Skype, knowing that
not all aging parents will want to use such technology. It is worth a
try, she writes. She includes great advice for making visits in
person as valuable and effective as possible.
This
book is a good combination of information and stories. Brummett
illustrates her suggestions with her own experiences and those of
many others. That makes the book very readable rather than a dry
account of what we should be doing to care for our aging parents. Yet
within the book is a wealth of resources. Some of them are given in
the text but there is also a list at the end of the book.
This
is not an exhaustive encyclopedia of elder care but it is a good
place to start. The conversational style of Brummett's writing is
encouraging as we contemplate the actions and decisions to come.
Nancy
Parker Brummett is an author and freelance writer. She experienced
her mother and mother-in-law aging and that, along with her academic
interest in aging led her to receive the Professional Advancement
Certificate in Gerontology from the University of Colorado. She now
focuses her writing and speaking on older adults and those who care
for them. She and her husband live in Colorado Springs. You can find
out more about her and subscribe to her blog on aging issues at
www.nancyparkerbrummett.com.
Kregel Publications,
224 pages.
I
received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the
purpose of an independent and honest review.
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